How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.