Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.