I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
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The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.