You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
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Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks