I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
7 Great Movies – with Drinking Games that Make them Even Better
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
15 Things You’ll Miss About College – and 7 Things You Definitely Won’t
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There is a Children’s Book About Donald Trump’s Hair, and it’s as Weird as You’d Expect It to Be