Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success