Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?