Texts From Last Night

Texts from August, 2011

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  (707): View more from California

  Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.

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  (707): Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb. http://tfl.nu/i5x2
  Replies (8) Good night (1712) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.

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  (970): Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day. http://tfl.nu/cvyh
  Replies (10) Good night (1291) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home

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  (203): Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home http://tfl.nu/rxky
  Replies (4) Good night (1964) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.

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  (605): She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes. http://tfl.nu/x8cz
  Replies (5) Good night (2331) Bad night (1159)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim

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  (913): I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim http://tfl.nu/0xxd
  Replies (8) Good night (2477) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO

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  (914): Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO http://tfl.nu/kxn2
  Replies (6) Good night (1765) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.

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  (502): He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug. http://tfl.nu/8k23
  Replies (6) Good night (644) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.

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  (909): He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere. http://tfl.nu/wyhi
  Replies (4) Good night (2941) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.

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  (254): You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever. http://tfl.nu/wqqf
  Replies (3) Good night (2075) Bad night (749)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone

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  (+27): You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone http://tfl.nu/np51
  Replies (3) Good night (1723) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?

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  (626): do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom? http://tfl.nu/95nz
  Replies (4) Good night (1650) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.

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  (540): If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year. http://tfl.nu/169q
  Replies (9) Good night (2713) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.

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  (201): I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out. http://tfl.nu/k100
  Replies (5) Good night (1488) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.

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  (901): She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab. http://tfl.nu/iean
  Replies (6) Good night (2320) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."

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  (850): He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket." http://tfl.nu/lw9r
  Replies (2) Good night (1398) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt