we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel