i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.