Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.