just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.