i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.