Texts From Last Night

Texts from December, 2011

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  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.

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  (972): I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life. http://tfl.nu/aoji
  Replies (8) Good night (821) Bad night (922)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.

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  (503): She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze. http://tfl.nu/rdoy
  Replies (3) Good night (752) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed

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  (215): For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed http://tfl.nu/2i1h
  Replies (1) Good night (1187) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present

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  (916): If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present http://tfl.nu/3ku6
  Replies (2) Good night (1192) Bad night (415)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side

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  (847): I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side http://tfl.nu/k88p
  Replies (12) Good night (1927) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like

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  (617): My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like http://tfl.nu/dpsj
  Replies (4) Good night (603) Bad night (1710) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.

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  (512): I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25. http://tfl.nu/95s1
  Replies (7) Good night (769) Bad night (1442)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves

  (806): View more from Texas

  That's not technology. Doesn't count.

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  (702): The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves (806): That's not technology. Doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/x0wz
  Replies (3) Good night (1557) Bad night (635)
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  (518): View more from New York

  we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well

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  (518): we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well http://tfl.nu/pd1v
  Replies (5) Good night (1260) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes

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  (203): Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes http://tfl.nu/04zg
  Replies (10) Good night (1070) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.

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  (423): I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex. http://tfl.nu/g9ms
  Replies (6) Good night (1361) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom

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  (509): Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom http://tfl.nu/fom9
  Replies (18) Good night (3178) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat

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  (917): I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat http://tfl.nu/jkqr
  Replies (1) Good night (937) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again

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  (210): he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again http://tfl.nu/vgv1
  Replies (1) Good night (1072) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Do you need my fax number or something?

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  (912): There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow. (912): Do you need my fax number or something? http://tfl.nu/ynqo
  Replies (18) Good night (1442) Bad night (1098)