Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.