my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia