He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised