The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.