Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.