nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!