I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor