I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor