I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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