If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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