I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
