i think my tv is drunk
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize