I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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