Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she smelled like a LAN party
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.