i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
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We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun