ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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