At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize