I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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