considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
