We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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