my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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