chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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