i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
