words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
