i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
