I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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