it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?