My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball