halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I spit up blood this morning
i would one night stand the shit outta him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.