I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.