oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
