i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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