the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize