remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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