I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration