low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.