I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance