ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.