The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
