we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize