I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
