i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How's work?
Spinning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
