Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....