I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.