Can i not drive my cunt home
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.