my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.