but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon