In the future we'll all be gay
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
